Self-Control

During this Lenten season, I did some fasting. (I realize that by sharing this I may be violating the spirit of Matthew 6:16-18, but I think this is important to share.)

Why did I fast?
Fasting is...
* a way to show God that I love Him more than _________.
* a reminder that "Man does not live on bread alone..."
* a way of identifying with the sufferings of Jesus.
* a chance to say "no" to bodily desires and thus build my Titus 2:11-14 muscles. (If I can learn to say "no" to food when I'm hungry, I can say no to sinful temptations as well. It's a way of practicing self-denial.)
* a reminder that our business here on earth is not just to "eat, drink, and be merry." We, too, have food to eat that too many men know nothing about--to do the will of God (John 4:31-34)
* a reminder to pray (often with a certain focus).
* a means of humbling oneself and relying on God.

I'm sure there are many other reasons to fast, but these come to mind now.

I've fasted before and have been blessed by it. This time, however, it was harder than normal. By the evening of a fast day, I sometimes felt weak or cold.
I was very irritable, overly sensitive, short-tempered, and, at times, downright mean.
Darina's comments about how my fast was adversely affecting the family and about how unspiritual this seemed were right on target. And they stung. This was not the kind of fast the Father desired.

I began to be aware of how physical discomforts affected my moods. Fasting then became an opportunity to work on exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit, even as my body didn't feel like it. While I am sure that my moods affect the way I act all of the time, fasting made me realize this acutely. Praise God that as I prayed for a gentler, more loving, and more self-controlled spirit, I believe He answered me. It seemed (to me at least--I hope my family would agree) that I was nicer on fast days toward the end of Lent.

Today is Good Friday.
And because of fasting, I am now aware of another aspect of the crucifixion that I had never before considered.
Think of how physically taxed Jesus must have been during his last hours. He did not sleep. He did not eat or drink. He was interrogated and falsely accused. He was abandoned. He was mocked and beaten. He bled. He was forced to do physical labor. He was crucified.
Now if I'm irritable and short-tempered after a day without food, imagine how Jesus' mood must have been affected by all of these trials.
I am amazed that he did not sin during this time!

I have always taken the passages concerning Jesus' silence as if He simply had nothing that needed to be said. Today, however, it strikes me that Jesus' silence may well have been His self-control on display. If the tongue is a fire, how easy it would have been to strike that match during the extreme and unjust trials He was undergoing.

But He kept silent. He did not lash out. He did not defend Himself. He did the will of the One who sent Him. He finished His work...without sinning.

This makes me love Jesus even more. This act of faithful, self-controlled silence. In His anger (if indeed He was angry--I think He may have been more sad than angry) He did not sin. What a Savior.

Thank You, Lord, for Your obedience unto death. Thank You for Your love, for Your sacrifice, for Your self-control. May I learn from You. May Your Spirit lead us into Your fulness.
Amen.