The Brothers Karamazov

This classic work is being offered as a free audiobook download until the end of 2009.

If you haven't read The Brothers Karamazov (or listened to it), you really should.

I think it's my all-time favorite novel!

Hallelujah Chorus -- Performed by Silent "Monks"

I thought this video was really enjoyable.

Ramblings of Discontent (The Search Goes On...)

Yesterday we were in Dallas renewing Darina's Bulgarian passport. On the way back to Lubbock, we had lots of time to talk about our future. For a couple of years, I've been searching for exactly what I should do professionally. While searching & asking, thinking & waiting, there have been times when I've gotten discouraged.

Recently, I finished reading The Idiot, by Dostoevsky. Surprisingly, I didn't like it very much. There was a particular passage that hit me though.

The narrator is discussing different types of people--those who think they are clever and those who truly are. He muses that clever people are sometimes truly honest and good, but unsuccessful.

One of these luckless men...is the guardian angel of his family, maintains by his labour outsiders as well as his own kindred, and yet can never be at rest all of his life! The thought that he has so well fulfilled his duties is no comfort or consolation to him; on the contrary, it irritates him. 'This is what I've wasted all my life on,' he says; 'this is what has fettered me, hand and foot; this is what has hindered me from doing something great! Had it not been for this, I should certainly have discovered -- gunpowder or America, I don't know precisely what, but I would certainly have discovered it!' What is most characteristic of these gentlemen is that they can never find out for certain what it is they are destined to discover and what they are within an ace of discovering. But their sufferings, their longings for what was to be discovered, would have sufficed for a Columbus or a Galileo.

(Part IV, Chapter 1, page 433 in my version, emphasis mine)

It's not that I think I'm terribly clever or gifted. But I do feel unfulfilled. I don't think it's just pride that causes me to feel that I should be doing more. I know that God can use me for something great. I just lack faith that He will use me. Yet Satan does use this discontent to make me discount my here and now.

I've heard much about being content lately. I trust that God will use me as He chooses. (Self-contradictory much? Yes, I know.) Another passage from The Idiot may also have something to say to my situation:

You know it's a matter of a whole lifetime, an infinite multitude of ramifications hidden from us. The most skillful chess-player, the cleverest of them, can only look a few moves ahead; a French player who could reckon out ten moves ahead was written about as a marvel. How many moves there are in this, and how much that is unknown to us! In scattering the seed, scattering your 'charity,' your kind deeds, you are giving away, in one form or another, part of your personality, and taking into yourself part of another; you are in mutual communion with one another, a little more attention and you will be rewarded with the knowledge of the most unexpected discoveries...All your thoughts, all the seeds scattered by you, perhaps forgotten by you, will grow up and take form. He who has received them from you will hand them on to another. And how can you tell what part you may have in the future determination of the destinies of humanity?

(Part III, Chapter 6, p. 378)

(Of course this speech was delivered by a scoundrel who was contemplating suicide, but still...)

I certainly don't want this blog to lapse into a self-reflective journal. That's not my intent. I'm sure there are others who feel unfulfilled and are seeking direction as well. Perhaps I would feel better about my situation (and become more productive) if I would just spend less time watching TV and playing computer games. Who knows?

Lord, have mercy...

The Net

Jesus has many parables, sayings in which he throws a spiritual concept out alongside a more familiar circumstance. He often leaves us to draw the connections. Many times people didn't get the point he was trying to make. They heard with their ears but did not understand. I have often been in their shoes.

But that somewhat cryptic (or at least obscure) quality of the parables is part of what makes them special. We have to keep coming back to them and looking at them afresh. Our job is not just to say, "I got that one" and move on. We get to repeatedly explore the comparisons that Jesus made. I think that's one reason He spoke in this manner.

Recently I heard my favorite teacher, Roger Forster, interpret the parable of the net. Before I share his interpretation, here's the parable:

The Parable of the Net
Matthew 13
47"Once again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was let down into the lake and caught all kinds of fish. 48When it was full, the fishermen pulled it up on the shore. Then they sat down and collected the good fish in baskets, but threw the bad away. 49This is how it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come and separate the wicked from the righteous 50and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
51"Have you understood all these things?" Jesus asked.
"Yes," they replied.

I had always just kind of taken this parable at face value. There will be a judgment, a harvest, an end. It happens when the net is full. There are all kinds of fish. Just because you're in the net doesn't mean you're a keeper! The bad fish will be thrown away (burned). No catch and release here.

But Forster focuses on the composition of the net. He supposes that the individual knots of the net are church congregations and the ropes that connect the knots are the Holy Spirit. That really struck me. This is how people come to the Lord--through the Lord's Body, the Church. And what does that say about church unity? We are bound to one another more than we realize. We're not just separate gatherings or denominations functioning independently of one another (or, worse, competing or even judging one another). There is a unity in the Spirit that is a vital part of our role in the harvest. Jesus prayed that we would be one so that the world may believe in Him (John 17:20-21).

If the Church's unity is threatened, the net's structural integrity is damaged. Thankfully, not only are we "fishers of men," but we have a great Fisher of Men, the Lord Jesus. What were several of the disciples doing when they were called? They were "mending their nets." Perhaps this is not just a throw-away detail. Could it possibly be a picture of what Jesus is doing even now--preserving the unity of His Church...mending His Net?

I don't know that Forster's take on this parable is the right one, but it sure is thought provoking. It makes tons of sense to me, too. I'll keep that image of the Fisherman caring for His Church by mending the net, along with the Gardener pruning the Vine and the Builder building His house. In my mind, it's a good one.

A King's Copy

Once again, this blog is on life support. Can't skip a month...
Actually, I've had lots of thoughts to blog about--just no discipline to sit and write.

Earlier in October, I was reading a passage from Deuteronomy that struck me. The passage is Deuteronomy 17:14-20. It's a section of the law advising Israel about choosing a king. It also gives direction to future kings.

Verses 18-20 are the ones that impressed me:

When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law, taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the Lord his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.

I've read this before, but I guess I never really noticed it. At the very beginning of his reign, the king was required to re-copy the entire law! He didn't have a servant do it for him; he was to do it himself. Can you imagine how much time that might have taken? Plus, I'm sure it was somewhat expensive. Papyrus wasn't cheap. But the king's knowledge of the law was a priority. It was worth the time, effort, and expense.

After making himself a copy, he was required to keep it with him. He couldn't just forget about it. I wonder if he kept it with him when he met with foreign dignitaries. What about when he went to war?

He was to read it "all the days of his life." It remained a priority. Reminds me of the parable of the sower. So many people today make a good start in the Christian life, but then, when trouble comes, they "stop believing and turn away from God" (Luke 8:13) or "they let the worries, riches, and pleasures of this life stop them from growing. So they never make good fruit" (Luke 8:14). If we don't make meditation on the Word a priority, life will displace God's ways with its own substitutes.

Also, the king read with a purpose. His reading was to teach him:
1) to revere the Lord
2) to obey the Word faithfully
3) to remain humble
His reading was not just to gain knowledge (informative). It was to shape his heart and his will (formative). I think this requires pondering the word. It means that the king took the law with him spiritually as well as physically. He kept it in his mind, letting it penetrate into his spirit through rumination. Do we do this?

I urge you to make the Bible a priority. Take up the Word. Read it all the days of your life. If we are to reign with Christ, shouldn't we too practice keeping His law with us at all times?

What would recopying a book of the Bible by hand teach us?
I think I may try it.

Fun Times

I loved watching this video. It's of a group of guys (good ol' Texas boys) just having a blast. It's quite impressive, too. What fun!

Also, the more views this video gets, the more money gets raised for Compassion International.

They call themselves "Dude Perfect"

Check it out!

The Wisdom of Owen Meany

It's been a busy month for me. We've moved into a new house (with all that entails), kept 4 kids entertained (our 2 and 2 others), and I've started a new job (with all that entails). All of these things are a real blessing, and I'm super thankful for all of them. But I haven't had much time for the computer...and the poor little "Island" blog has suffered. (I also discovered Facebook this summer. Though it was a big timesuck at first, I haven't even checked in there for three weeks or so!)

One thing I did do for myself was to reread A Prayer for Owen Meany. I first read this book in Bulgaria, and I loved it. It's my favorite of the John Irving books I've read. It's also one of the tamest.

I enjoyed reading it again, but it was raunchier than I remember. Owen Meany is a great character, though. He's also an interesting example of faith. I have pulled out several of his quotes that I'd like to share. (Once again, the blog entry isn't original, but since "St. Cuthbert's" is on life support...)

I hope you enjoy the words of Owen Meany:

"IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT THEY CRUCIFIED HIM," Owen said, "BUT THEY MADE FUN OF HIM, TOO!"

p. 250
(Owen's larynx is immobile, so his voice is a "permanent scream." Thus, he speaks in all-caps.)

"IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN EASTER," Owen Meany said, "DON'T KID YOURSELF--DON'T CALL YOURSELF A CHRISTIAN."

p. 251

EASTER MEANS WHAT IT SAYS.

p. 253

"JUST BECAUSE A BUNCH OF ATHEISTS ARE BETTER WRITERS THAN THE GUYS WHO WROTE THE BIBLE DOESN'T NECESSARILY MAKE THEM RIGHT!" he said crossly. "LOOK AT THOSE WEIRDO TV MIRACLE-WORKERS--THEY'RE TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO BELIEVE IN MAGIC! BUT THE REAL MIRACLES AREN'T ANYTHING YOU CAN SEE--THEY'RE THINGS YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE WITHOUT SEEING. IF SOME PREACHER'S A [JERK], THAT'S NOT PROOF THAT GOD DOESN'T EXIST!"

p. 277 [profane--my substitution]

IT'S TRUE THAT THE DISCIPLES ARE STUPID--THEY NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT JESUS MEANS, THEY'RE A BUNCH OF BUNGLERS, THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD AS MUCH AS MUCH AS THEY WANT TO BELIEVE, AND THEY EVEN BETRAY JESUS. THE POINT IS, GOD DOESN'T LOVE US BECAUSE WE'RE SMART OR BECAUSE WE'RE GOOD. WE'RE STUPID AND WE'RE BAD AND GOD LOVES US ANYWAY...

p. 277

(While practicing "the shot" and trying to do it in record time...)

"IF WE CAN DO IT IN UNDER FOUR SECONDS, WE CAN DO IT IN UNDER THREE," he said. "IT JUST TAKES A LITTLE MORE FAITH."
"It takes more practice," I told him irritably.
"FAITH TAKES PRACTICE," said Owen Meany.

p. 304

NOW YOU HAVE A CHOICE: EITHER YOU USE GOD'S GIFT OR YOU WASTE IT. I THINK A LITTLE EFFORT FROM YOU IS REQUIRED.

p. 322

"FAITH AND PRAYER," he said. "FAITH AND PRAYER--THEY WORK, THEY REALLY DO."

p. 350, p. 357

THERE IS NO PURGATORY--THAT'S A CATHOLIC INVENTION. THERE'S LIFE ON EARTH, THERE'S HEAVEN--AND THERE'S HELL.

p. 370

When it was so dark at the St. Michael's playground that we couldn't see the basket, we couldn't see Mary Magdalene, either. What Owen liked best was to practice the shot until we lost Mary Magdalene in the darkness. Then he would stand under the basket with me and say, "CAN YOU SEE HER?"
"Not anymore," I'd say.
"YOU CAN'T SEE HER, BUT YOU KNOW SHE'S STILL THERE--RIGHT?" he would say.
"Of course she's still there!" I'd say.
"YOU'RE SURE?" he'd ask me.
"Of course I'm sure!" I'd say.
"BUT YOU CAN'T SEE HER," he'd say--very teasingly. "HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'S STILL THERE IF YOU CAN'T ACTUALLY SEE HER?"
"Because I know she's still there--because I know she couldn't have gone anywhere--because I just know!" I would say.
And one cold, late-fall day--it was November or even early December[...]I was especially exasperated by this game he played about not seeing Mary Magdalene but still knowing she was there.
"YOU HAVE NO DOUBT SHE'S THERE?" he nagged at me.
"Of course I have no doubt!" I said.
"BUT YOU CAN'T SEE HER--YOU COULD BE WRONG," he said.
"No, I'm not wrong--she's there, I know she's there!" I yelled at him.
"YOU ABSOLUTELY KNOW SHE'S THERE--EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN'T SEE HER?" he asked me.
"Yes!" I screamed.
"WELL, NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT GOD," said Owen Meany. "I CAN'T SEE HIM--BUT I ABSOLUTELY KNOW HE IS THERE!"

pp. 399-400

"Owen, this is so childish," I said. "You can't believe that everything that pops into your head means something! You can't have a dream and believe that you 'know' what you're supposed to do!"
"THAT ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT FAITH IS," he said, turning his attention to the tomato sauce. "I DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THAT POPS INTO MY HEAD--FAITH IS A LITTLE MORE SELECTIVE THAN THAT."

p. 418

Pretty good stuff, if you ask me.